Secretary

I saw the movie 'Secretary' again. The first time was on broadcast TV; the last time was on DVD. I am fascinated by this movie. I have never been in to S & M, and I don't think I ever will be, but this film caught my attention in a most peculiar way. Both Mr. Spader and Ms. Gyllenhaal gave incredible performances and treated the subject matter with delicacy and taste, while preserving the basically erotic nature of the film.

I think it opened my eyes to alternative sexualities, not specifically for me (although the good Lord knows I have my moments), but for people in general. We are all just trying to find a bit of happiness, aren't we? So many of us are dragging around our emotional baggage on extended guilt trips booked for us by parents, preachers and pundits; trying to live up to other peoples expectations, sometimes openly and defiantly, sometimes furtively and in shame.

Occasionally I am overwhelmed by sadness, watching people struggle to be happy. It just shouldn't be so hard. I see people making choices that end up leaving them miserable, or worse. Several years ago, I supported myself driving a Taxi. One evening, I had an interesting fare, a Mexican T-Girl. She had me take her to her home. We were followed by a car containing a young man who loved her when he was drunk. She was just trying to get away from him. I don't know how that evening worked out, but about two years later, a body was found in a local, and very seedy, hotel. It was the T-Girl, probably done in by some fella who couldn't handle the surprise. Sad.

Some folks think that living an 'alternative' lifestyle is a way of expanding one's horizons. I wonder if, in all actuality, it really isn't a result of trying to block out the past, or avoid a repeat of it?