Some Days are Golden, Some are Maroon

OK… now I feel like a Maroon.

I am away. On a business trip. A looong way from home.

Business finishes early, but my reservations are cast in financial concrete. Back at the hotel, I wander down to the concierge (that’s what you call the afternoon manager at Best Western when you need to ask him a question) and inquire as to the location of the nearest decent steak house. Being a good concierge and obviously concerned for my expense account, he suggests that the nearest Red Robin might be just the ticket. I counter with the concept that when you stray from a given establishments forte menu item, you are treading on a very slippery slope. Does Red Robin even serve whole meat without feathers? He finally begins to get my drift and does make a reasonable offer. I consider it.

Before dining, I head down to the business center to print tomorrows boarding passes. The computer requests my password. Back to concierge. “Oh, yes! I’ll give you the password, but it won’t do you any good. The Internet is down.” I explain that I have just come down from my room where I checked my e-mail. That Internet was working fine. “Well, we have a different Internet down here and it isn’t working at all!” He’s right. 

Hmmmmm

I abandon the whole steak plan and walk a half-block to Wendy’s for a forbidden cheeseburger with bacon. Maybe his Internet will be fixed when I get back.

Delicious. And 'Ain't Happening'...No printer for you, Kemosabe.....

Back in the room, I stand admiring the In-Room-Spa sized for four. I am traveling alone this trip, more’s the pity, but not wanting the Spa to go unappreciated, I decide to fill it and flounder around by myself. I can turn on the water from the floor, but it is impossible to actually touch the water to say…. oh… feel the temperature or whatever without actually being “in the spa,” so to speak. To avoid obvious later disappointment, I disrobe, and clamber in to check the water. At my age you don’t ‘step’ into a spa…clambering is the most generous description that can legitimately be applied here.

At the risk of giving the whole plot away at this point in the story, let me say that my rental car is a technological WunderKar. The radio doubles as a rearview TV when reversing. And it picks up music from outer space. To start the thing, you simply push a button. When you are finished driving another push of the same button shuts it off…..

Back in the Spa. I am standing buck nekkid, ankle deep in the tepid water of the ‘just clambered into' Spa when hotel phone rings. This strikes me as rather odd because nobody who needs to call me knows exactly where in the Sam Hell I am. 

Again, Hmmm.

I execute the Much Vaunted but Seldom Seen ‘Reverse Clamber’ and slosh my way to the insistent instrument. Hello? 

“Good evening, Sir! This is the Front Desk." 

Hardly ever a welcome call unless expecting a package from UPS or the Pizza Boy. 

"We are attempting to locate the driver of a car in our parking lot which has been sitting with the motor running for several hours. Which vehicle is yours?” 

With a sinking feeling I confess both Make and Model. 

With a barely concealed squeal of glee, she replies, “Well, Sir, I believe it is yours!” She is delighted because finally she can can quit calling rooms, and now I know why they ask for your auto's curriculum vitae at registration...Information I chose not to provide...... as a security measure, of course.....I stare at the "Keys" to my WunderKar sitting on the dresser, I think about the button on the dash.....Krap!

I start to explain that I am part of the WunderKar test team conducting “Long Term Idling Tests” at Best Western altitudes, but I can tell that her Geezer B.S. Radar is finely tuned and she’s not buying any of it.

I thank her, dry off from the ankles down, dress, sorta…..and slither down stairs, praying there is no thundering crowd to cheer me on the last 20 yards. I'm sure when she disconnected, she shouted "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!" Funny, I don't feel exactly like a winner.....more like a Maroon.

Oh…the quadruple In-Room-Spa solo act…don’t bother…….it's just no fun by your self, and if you doze off (highly likely at my age), your Kindle gets to test the Submarine Clause in Amazon's warrantee.

Geez....Ida swore I pressed that danged button the second time…….mumble…mutter….mmmmph ........

Hmmm...wonder if the boss will notice I used $80.00 in fuel on a twenty-mile round trip?

p.s. A big tip-o-the-hat to the Manager of the local Guitar Center who graciously allowed me to get a solid 'Guitar Fix' this afternoon playing his $3000 instruments so far from my babies.....There is this one Martin I played, it was like soft butter in my hands, and such a bargan at only $1999........nnaaahh, I dasn't........

Easter Observations

Easter Sunday today...Lent is officially over.

On Good Friday, the youth of my Church presented a shadowbox performance of the crucifixion. Most dramatic to see Jesus arching his back in agony with every blow of the hammer driving the nails through his hands.

Also on Good Friday, I saw a man dressed as Jesus, wearing a thorny crown, blood dripping from his brow, dragging a large cross down the sidewalk near the Rescue Mission. He was accompanied by a Roman Centurion. I appreciated the demonstration of Jesus' sacrifice, but the only folks there to observe have probably had it up to here with sacrifice. They drag their entire lives down the sidewalk every day. He should have been dragging that cross uptown. Those are the people too comfortable to understand.

Maundy Thursday celebrates the Last Supper and Jesus' commandment to love on another. It passed with no foot-washing here this year. I attended MT services in our National Cathedral several years ago quite by accident. I entered the Cathedral to take photos not knowing the service was in progress, when I realized the fact, I decided to stay. During the appropriate part of the service, you get in line, wait your turn, then sit and have your feet washed. If you choose to take a turn at being the washer, simply touch the shoulder of the person who washed your feet. You then kneel, take their place and wash feet until someone takes your place, or until the last person has clean feet!

In my Bible study last year, our Pastor made it quite clear that the word 'feet' in the Bible was most often a euphemism for the genitals......hey.......wait a minute.......

The Strat

I indulged myself this week. I bought a guitar…well to make that statement more accurate, I should say, “I bought another guitar.” This brings my current total up to eight. Very few people that I know truly understand the why of it all, and all of them are keepers of multiple instruments themselves.

I’m not sure I can ‘splain in a way that is meaningful to a layperson, but let me say first of all that I am blessed to have the means to be able to maintain such a collection. That certainly hasn’t always been the case, and I am bright enough to know that it may not be the case tomorrow. I remain humble and thankful.

Well crafted instruments are a wonder, like anything else that is really well made, the quality is obvious to anyone with the knowledge to appreciate it  Although looks can be deceiving, fit and finish, or the feel and smoothness and effortlessness of operation can’t be faked. This is especially true of guitars. A poorly made guitar may well be unplayable at the worst, or simply difficult to play at best, requiring too much effort to form chords and sounding bad even at their best.

This is so unfortunate for people who would like to learn. They are unwilling to spend the money for a good instrument when they are unsure if they have the ability to learn or if they will even stick to it. So they buy a $100 instrument. They end up with a beast that savages their fingertips because the strings are so hard to depress and often quit, happy that they did ‘waste’ a bunch of money. Sad.

If you are a musician you know the feel of a good instrument. One that almost plays itself. If it is a keyboard, every key falls readily to hand and is radiused perfectly. The amount of force required is perfectly balanced…just enough resistance to avoid accidentally depressing a key, and perfect linearity, the volume increasing in correct proportion to effort.

In a guitar that is just right for you it is similar. The spacing of the strings is just right, not too close together, not too far apart. The effort required to form chords or play discrete notes is the same where ever you are on the neck. The strings require only a light touch to hold depressed…no death grip required….. and the intonation is correct from top to bottom  and end to end of the neck.  The strings will easily bend to alter pitch when you ask them to, but stay well behaved otherwise. The sound will be pure and clean, with no buzzing of string against random fret, and enduring sustain that leaves you marveling at the sound.

My guitars? I have one that is sized to travel, an easy carry-on, small but with surprising presence, a joy to play but inexpensive enough to not hurt so much if lost, stolen or destroyed. I have three 6-string acoustics. The first and my oldest is a nylon stringed pure acoustic on permanent loan to my youngest daughter. The second is a steel stringed acoustic electric that I keep tuned to an open G for Hawaiian Slack Key practice. The third is a concert quality steel stringed acoustic-electric for gigs. I have two 12-string acoustics, the first of which is a real beast that I have had for too many decades. It is pretty much unplayable with terrible intonation and finger killing action. I keep it for sentimental reasons. The second is the first guitar I bought after I quit drinking five years ago as a reward. It is a beautiful acoustic electric with buttery action. I love its full sound and often gig with it. The last two are also my newest, pure electrics, fine quality professional instruments, one for rhythm and the newest one for leads and rhythm. It is indeed a joy to hold and behold. Playing it is like driving a Ferrari. You don’t hold it, you wear it, and you don’t play it, you think it. It is happiest when it is playing with you and it shows……