You have seen most of them somewhere, sometime; I won't bore you with their descriptions.
I used to sweat the issue. When I was a child, God and Santa Claus were about on the same plane. Kinda 'out there' and maybe I believed and maybe I didn't and maybe it didn't make any difference.
Later, in High School, I attended a Christian school, Assemblies of God, to be exact. Great people, extremely caring, but very dogmatic. Many of my classmates spoke of accepting Jesus and having a 'White Light' type of experience. Basking in the warmth and glow of their salvation, and secure in the knowledge and love of their Creator.
I wanted that so bad. I closed my eyes and prayed and begged the Lord to come in to my life the way I had heard so many people describe. Nothing. Not a Blessed Thing. I'd listen and look and feel and taste and wait. Whoops what was that? Is it beginning? Nope. Just gas. Bottom line, no 'White Light' for me. Bummer.
So what did that mean, anyway? Was I too awful for God to take? I read in the Bible that he forgave the worst sinners, so what was up? Was I not sincere enough in my repentance? Was my sin so bad that even God wouldn't have me? Was there no God? Was all the talk of being saved just a bunch of lies; a vast conspiracy of people who were all afraid to tell one another that it didn't work for them either? I found it hard to believe then, and I still do find it hard to believe that every one who shared their experience with me was lying. All I really know is that it didn't work then and it hasn't happened since.
So did I give up on God? I guess for a while I did. As a young adult, on my own, I did not attend church. I did not hang out with people that did. When I visited home I would go to church with my parents to please them, not to feed my spirit. I came to believe that I was in control of my destiny, and that those who professed a faith were weak and afraid of living....and afraid of death. I married a woman from a family of non-believers, and raised my son without benefit of Christian influence. (Aside to Self....Just realized he has never been Baptised. Gotta fix that!) Well crap, that gives away the ending a bit now, doesn't it!
That marriage failed. Marriage number two was to a woman of faith, although why she married my heathen butt is still beyond me. She must have been slumming that day. She tried mightily to bring me back to the Lord, but alas, without success, and two children later that marriage also disintegrated. The wife did her best to impose her vision of proper religousity on the kids, with mixed results.
Later still, I began dating the woman who would eventually prove to be foolish enough to accept my third proposal. She was also a woman of faith, but of a brand which is more closely aligned with the religion of my earliest years. I began to attend her church with her. I'd like to be able to tell you that the Preacher there so moved me that I saw the error of my ways and finally came to Jesus, but that didn't happen.
I finally found a spirituality, a solid belief outside of an organised and recognized religion. One that is portable in that I can take it inside a Baptist Church or visit the Catholics, the Lutherans, the Presbyterians, even back to the Pentecostals and be just fine.
The biggest part of my discovery involved being willing to let go and let myself be subject to God's will. Some of you are saying, "OK, here comes the old bullshit," but I ask you to bear with me here a piece. Maybe you can find something in what I say that works for you.
I have heard all the arguments, pro and con. The only response I have is that when it comes to arguing something as intangible as faith and spirituality, there are no right or wrong answers. Some of my friends argue that science refutes religion, or that evolution and creationism are mutually exclusive. I believe in God but I have no problem with evolution. I believe it is one of His finest tools. Others are afraid that science will learn God's secrets, but I believe that God gave us the ability to understand these mysteries for a Divine Purpose, and that it is OK. Six hundred years ago, celestial navigation was a total mystery to most people. It really is all relative.
I didn't come to my peace with God willingly, so to speak. I was totally bought in to being the boss of my own life. I was large and in charge. Then one day I discovered that playing by my rules alone hurt everyone else around me and made me feel so terrible that for the first time in my life I probably prayed the most sincere prayer I have ever prayed. Fortunately for me, God chose not to grant my wish to die.(There are several blogs inside this paragraph, waiting to be freed)
In order for me to move on with my life, it was suggested that God would be my answer. I was so depressed and soul sick that I didn't even have the energy to object. If this was a way out of my misery, I was willing to try. I was told to pray only for God to show me His/Her will for my life, and the power to carry that will out. I scrupulously avoided asking for God to fix my life or repair my relationships. I was willing to accept whatever came.
Slowly the pieces of my life began to fall into place again. I expanded my prayers to include thanking God for the blessings in my life, and asking for His/Her help in dealing with the other problems I faced. Again, I did not pray for a specific outcome, only for Divine Assistance in solving my problems and dealing with my own issues. I can only judge the effectiveness of my prayers, and the existence of God, by the results I observe in my own life.
I know this is getting a bit long, but it is important.
Here are my rules for prayer:
- Don't pray for stuff. Asking God for a big screen TV is wasting His time and yours.
- Don't pray for a specific outcome, but rather the strength and courage to handle life as it comes.
- Do pray for others. Ask God to watch over them.
- Thank God for His blessings. Ask Him to help you use the Gifts He gave you for His glory.
- Pray every day.
- If your faith or your belief is weak, ask Him to strengthen you.
- If you feel that it is difficult for you to trust and to be willing to give your will to Him, pray to be made willing.
You only need the tiniest bit of faith to begin.
Pray.
Trust in God.
Pray some more.
I have a very good friend. He and I are almost the same age, and we share many of the same life experiences. The biggest difference now is that I have a faith in God and he takes Prozac. There is a place inside each of us that needs to believe in something bigger than ourselves.
Don't test God. If you insist that God prove that He exists to you personally, you may be waiting a very long time. That was my mistake long ago. I wanted God, but only on my terms. It doesn't work like that. Can't hurt to try now, can it?
No comments:
Post a Comment