Spare Time?

I have a new addiction. Great. That's all I need. At least this one only steals my time, and leaves my pocketbook and my health intact. Oh, and yes, I don't think I can be arrested for pursuing the object of my affliction.

The purveyor of this not-usually-fatal attraction was, of all people, my youngest daughter. When she first tried to turn me on to this, I resisted. "Nope, not interested, thanks." I even tried a little bit, and felt it just wasn't for me. "Why would anyone subject themselves to such torture?" I mused.

I let it be for several months, then one day ran across some my wife had left laying out on the counter. I was bored that day. Isn't that how we get hooked, sometimes? Bored with life, we try anything to break the daily monotony, or to escape, for even a brief moment the rituals and sameness, or attempt to forget the pain and suffering that are our constant companions?

What can it hurt to give it another try? If I find that it is really a problem, I'll just quit. I tried it before and put it down and walked away. Besides, I know that many people do it; surely they find something worthwhile or they wouldn't continue, right?

Well, the first one was easy. I thought, "There isn't much to this. I'll try another." It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. I figured I was taking it too easy on myself. Maybe if I pushed it a bit, I'd find more of a high. I tried the harder stuff, but I really still didn't feel the kick I expected. It was all too easy, almost like my tolerance was over the top.

I finished what was laying around. I say finished, but it was more like inhaling it. I was getting voracious, and hungry for a true test of my capacities. I went straight to the supplier, and asked for the hardest stuff available. I couldn't wait to get home and try it out. Because of my early, easy experience, I went straight for the hardest, ignoring the suggestions that perhaps it was best left to the 'old pros', the ones who had tons of experience.

I hit the wall so hard, there is still a dent. How could this happen to me? I had all the answers, didn't I? Why did I feel as though I had been kicked in the gut? I walked away from that experience badly shaken, my confidence in myself shattered. The old Ego took the worst hit. Sudoku had brought me to my knees. The funny thing is, even when I solve one of the "Challenger" puzzles, I don't even take time to do a little Dance of Supreme Victory; I just start another. By Golly, it is an addiction!